I always thought I had the best of both worlds: I could drink (and eat) as much as I wanted to and then run it off the next day. Since the age of 19, I've run hundreds of races ranging from 5k to full marathon. But it always bothered me when people would say, "You always run so much, so why aren't you as skinny as a twig?" I looked fine, but they were right. I didn't look "like a runner." And I sure didn't act "like a runner." I drank too much, and I was hungover most days out of the week. I was using running as a way to soothe my hangovers. But after about 25 years of this same-old, same-old, that shit finally got ...OLD. If it's gotten old for you, too, read on, my friend. Running is hard, but we don't have to make it even harder for ourselves than it already is by running hungover and dehydrated. 

When I quit drinking, I actually started to ENJOY running again. Without a pounding headache and nauseous stomach to slow me down, I started going faster, farther, and with less effort. I started sleeping better, and eating healthier, which led me to actually shedding a few extra pounds. I started to notice the beautiful scenery around me, and stopped to talk to familiar faces along the way. My entire mood lifted (hello, endorphins, I can feel you, now!), and I started to see running as more of a treat rather than a punishment for what I drank the night before. I also had extra money in my bank account (from no longer buying all the wine) that I could spend on race entries!

But then I started to wonder, "where are all the other sober runners at?"
​I knew there were more people like me out there, and I wanted to find them. Like, I REALLY wanted to find them! It started off slowly in January 2021, with just a handful of my friends who I asked to join Recovery Road Runners to get the group started. And here we are, 9 months into the journey of RRR and with over 500 people in the Facebook group. I think I've found what I was looking for: a group of sober runners who GETS IT! RRR has become an amazingly supportive, inspiring, friendly, and welcoming group.  We now train together, talk on the phone and text, share photos, meet up for video chats throughout the week, celebrate the races we've completed, and we share our sobriety milestones together (chip night!). RRR is a sober running family, and I hope that you'll join us if you haven't already. Because the best part about it is the connection with like-minded folks, just like you, just like me. :)

How did I get here? I mean how did I end up HERE? A single mom of two kids under five, drinking two bottles of wine nearly every day. Well, let's go back to the beginning.

 I had a pretty "normal" childhood. I grew up in a cute country town right outside San Francisco, CA.  My parents were great, loving, and caring parents, and I have an older brother who I did everything with (baseball, Nintendo, bikes). I grew up in the 80's, when kids could play outside with the neighborhood friends until dark and we had no worries. What I didn't know then was that my "normal" childhood was turning me into a people-pleasing, codependent-alcoholic who couldn't feel any feelings other than "happy" or "fine." Like all parents, mine did the best they could. My mom grew up with challenges of her own; an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother. The pair divorced when she was in high school. As for my dad, well he's quiet and reflective, like me. And he's a short-fused hothead, like me!

​Because of this interesting family dynamic, I was a timid and shy little girl who believed that my own instincts always failed me and that I couldn't get anything right. My mom assumed the role of Queen Bee, and I learned how to people-please. But I was a little kid and I didn't know any different, so it was "fine." What I learned while growing up was to put on a big smile, whether it was real or fake, and pretend like everything was always so great! :-) I shoved my real feelings down deep inside me, because my parents weren't available to help me deal with them. Failure was not an option. Our family was a special group of over-achievers, and when I failed (which I felt like was pretty often), Queen Bee (mom) stepped right in to clean up the mess. I never had the experience of a natural consequence; it seemed like things just magically worked themselves out. I lived life on Easy Street and I thought it was great!

My family was always really into sports. My brother and I are naturally athletic. We played baseball, soccer, and basketball, and my dad coached our teams. Those were the best memories of my childhood. When I began high school, I signed up for the cross-country team (at the suggestion of a dear friend of mine) in order to get in better shape for the upcoming basketball season. I had no interest in running long distance, but my friend was really cool, and I was a people pleaser. But once I began running I knew I had found my true passion. I was totally hooked! Something about pushing myself physically to the max.. it released all the pressure that was built up inside me. It was such an amazing feeling! For the first time in my life, I had some control. I felt like an animal who was let out of its cage. I was wild and free. Plus, the girls on my team became my best friends. There were 7 of us. We ran together almost every day of the week. That type of special friendship is unique, and can only be found when friends share a common threshold for the pain and misery of their shared activity. We spilled our guts out to each other on the trails, travelling and racing together, and cheering each other on till the very end no matter if we ran fast or slow. (20 years later we are still friends, and some of us still run together!) 

Shortly later, but still during my freshman year of high school, I made the varsity softball team (growing up I lived and breathed softball). Those girls were very different from the cross-country girls; they were all older than me and they liked to party. The two team captains invited me to a party to celebrate my making the varsity squad: my right of passage. I remember how exciting it was getting to hang out with juniors and seniors, and meeting all of their friends. I had never been to a party like that before. There were people everywhere and no parents. There was loud music and dancing, and people sitting in the hot tub. They had a keg of beer and bottles of alcohol spread across the counter tops. My friends were already drinking but I hesitated. I didn't know what the alcohol would do to me; I was so out of my comfort zone. They noticed my hesitation and they knew I had never drank before. They pulled me into an empty bedroom with a bottle of peppermint schnapps and a shot glass. They were so enthusiastic about having the pleasure of introducing me to my first drink. One of them said, "just drink it quick, and then you'll start to feel really good." So I drank it quick, and they were right. They were soooo right. The alcohol trickled down through every single cell in my body, and I felt like a brand new person. I felt so alive! I felt confident, more fun, less anxious, and energized.  I thought, "give me more of that stuff!" Game. Over. I was freaking hooked. That night, at the delicate age of 14 years old, the trajectory of my life took a dark and twisted turn for the worse. I would be a marathon-running-binge-drinker for the next 25 years.